Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Do we have our basics right?

Everytime i am in India i get a feeling we have become too loud. Loud as in pompous. Yes we are growing at a rate higher than most countries, yes we have sparkling Malls and offices now to showpiece, yes we have a very energetic (often crass) gen-X that forms more than 60% of our population - yet for me there's something that is missing.

The word is Infrastructure. Any powerful country or a wannabe super power knows this or should know this. In my Impressions post i argued how the awesome road network of highways and express ways is the lifeline of American economy. It more than makes up for the lack of railways.

Recently France announced its new super duper fast AGV trains. This would reach 200+ mph at an average. Hypothetically if we were to do the same in India, Mumbai to Delhi would be in less than 4 hrs by trains. India has the basic infrastructure for railways in place. This was laid by the British almost 150 years ago. Yet have we grown on it? Have we "upgraded" it? There has been minimal progress in the way the trains run. Adding new "luxury trains" won't help much; except for flying in a few more tourists.

What is that we lack? I think the word again is "imagination". We have a choice in India to improve our infrastructure and invest in Roads, Railways and Ship yards. NDA government made great leaps in Roads part by laying out massive plans for Road development. Unfortunately it was booted out by media before it could go further on this. NDA was by far the best government as far as Infrastructure development and implementation was concerned.

Anyway UPA government should have carried on with the job half done by NDA. It chose politics over national interest. It chose appeasement over development.

Almost every impartial economic report on India that i have read in recent past has hammered on this "infrastructure" issue. WE NEED BETTER INFRASTRUCTURE. PERIOD.

In my recent trip to India i flew domestically a lot. Cochin-Mumbai-Nagpur -Delhi and so on. One thing that struck me was the increase in Air passenger traffic. There was "crowd" at the airport. There were constant announcements of flights. And definitely a greater choice. Yet i thought we needed to shake things up badly. There are more flights alright, but there is also more chaos. Flights are cheaper, but airports will be crumbling soon. We do not want to convert airports into ST stands.

Just by "privatizing" airports and airlines things won't change much. We need better railways. We need to invest heavily in Sea routes as well. Lot of traffic between Mumbai -Goa-South can be routed via Sea. We need better handling of passenger and cargo/freight traffic. Most of us know that Railway and Shipping industry work in tandem. Better railway network means faster input and output off dockyards.

We don't need more Nanos, we need more roads. We don't need more airlines, we need better airports, we don't need more Lalus, we need better and faster trains.

And yes we need more "Golden Quadrangles". Only two Chief Ministers have taken these steps as far as infrastructure development goes. Congress' s Sheila Dixit in New Delhi and BJP's Modi in Gujarat. We definitely need more Dixit's and Modi's and less and less of Sonia and Lalu please.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

The Sopranos

The Sopranos are pissed off after a FBI search in their house. But both parents want their children to know that it's all because they are Italians. They want to impress upon that they are being targetted for their ethnicity, their lineage.

The scene at the Dinner table after that -

*************

Tony: You know the guy who invented telephone was an Italian!
Anthony Junior: You mean Graham Bell was an Italian?
Tony: ... you see thats the [beep] what i am talking off. They screwed that Italian and claimed Bell did it.
Anthony Jr : But Chinese invented the Fork.
Tony : What the [beep] are you talking. How can the people who need sticks to eat their food, invent Fork?

**************

How can you not love this show :) ?

Friday, February 1, 2008

A Wordsmith called Pu La

"Aaho motaar chalu astana, vateth zar mahees alee, tar mahees marel nahi ta kay doodh dheel" - This incredible outburst of a fictional character of an imaginary situation created by PuLa Deshpande for his classic "Mhais" still cracks me up.

The marathon narration by PuLa of that eventful bus journey he undertakes along the curvy roads of Kokan region of southern Maharshtra has some of the most hilarious instances ever told. During this journey that is so full of events, PuLa interfaces with some of the most amusing characters ever.
The names of the characters he uses ring a sound of familiarity for people who know the Kokanastha community.

Mhais was a masterpiece. Period.

An imaginary ensemble of great and funny characters all riding the same bus. The Red colored Maharashtra government's "Yeshti".

There's the over-eager wannabe "English Guntlemun" - Madhu Manushte, there's the temperamental school teacher, there's the sophisticated homeopath, the burly and brute Havaldar, the i-care-a-damn bus driver, the over the top village folks, the subak thengani, the Usman sheth guy and so many freaking -ly funny characters.When you listen to "Mhais" you can actually picture those characters right in front of your eyes. Your mind relates to those figures almost as if you have seen them, have heard them, have been with them, somewhere.

The genius of PuLa was not narrating such a story; his genius was making it simple and digestible. "Mhais" is an example of extraordinarily smooth narration. PuLa knows exactly what words to use and when. He does not go on and on and knows when to take a break, when to build up a character or a moment, when to even end the whole episode. There's never a dull moment. The feeling - "enough already" never enters.

I have never really traveled much in Kokan, except for my one off trip to Chiplun some years ago, yet I can totally relate to "Mhais" who's entire premise has a Kokan background. The dialect, the slangs even the curses are very very Kokan [-astha]. In fact i belong to the exact opposite side of the region.

Yet PuLa with his un paralleled brilliance pulls this one off for all Marathi knowing janta.

PuLa Deshpande was the original stand up comedian as far as i am concerned. Maharshtra's very own Seinfeld , much before Seinfeld was born. His beautiful story telling abilities, finding humor in most troubled situations and pretty much riding the smooth narration with funny anecdotes are legendary in Marathi speaking folks.
His awesome, near genius, ability to convey and connect to people worked like a charm almost every time he went on a stage and started speaking. It was easy.

I keep repeating the word "smooth" here; and that's the closest i can think of him. He was smooth. Even in sarcasm he was not spiteful. That was this ability - to drill without sharp edges. His words, vocabulary and command over the language could not help but make you wonder in awe. He elevated your senses to realm of humor. He almost always gave you a happy Six Flags ride.

I have heard many of his great essays, but for me "Mhais" remains a personal favorite.

If we ever get in a situation like how PuLa gets in "Mhais" we would be freaking out and pissed off with the damn situation. It takes a PuLa to find humor given the frustrating situation (although imaginary). At some level the journey, the people, the event, the lazy process of the police investigation; of it all in "Mhais" connected with me. I somehow tend to believe i *know* all those characters. I know "Bagu Nana", i know "Jampya Damle", i know the "diver", i know "Nana Phadnavis", i feel i know them all. To that extent i can even feel the pain in my butt of that bus journey. I can almost smell the "hapoos" !! It gets surreal after a point.
And again, i repeat, i was in no way remotely connected to Kokan. Like ever!

The reason could be that Humor can transcend region, race or any other domain; as i have previously argued. And PuLa had that incredible ability. His humor transcended a lot of layers. His simple use of words like for example "paanaachi bhakkam peenka" cut across all those layers i mentioned and cracked us up. His precise yet powerful insight into a common man's sensibilities should be a subject of study; that i seriously believe.

I don't have that cassette of "Mhais" anymore. I tried to get hold of it on youtube but without much luck. Although i did find some others that were just awesome.

My knowledge of Marathi Literature and it's personalities is pathetic. There's the "Limit tends to zero" in my case. But it's worth noting that even for a person like me with such limited knowledge, i can easily appreciate PuLa's prowess. That surely tells us something.

All great entertainers have one thing in common. They simply "connect" with a huge population. Be it Rajnikant, Amitabh Bachchan(at some point of time) or Sachin Tendulkar. The mass appeal factor is the common thread amongst these Champions. They are exceptional. They are masters of their fields. And although PuLa may not be in the same league as these people, he had a massive following. A massive following of ardent fans. A following that still craves for his books, his audio narrations, his essays. A following that almost felt like PuLa was "their own". A following that would sit around a small stereo and listen to him like small kids being told a story.

A following that will , as long as it lives, salute a man who was a talking magician.A magician of words. A Wordsmith

Monday, January 28, 2008

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

These guys make me sick

Anand Jon, an Indian born fashion designer was recently convicted of several charges of sexual misconduct and assault by a court in California.
The court found him guilty on more than 13 counts; a staggering figure by any account.
A plethora of models submitted to witness against Jon. It wasn't a one off incident. And as reports started pouring in after the first accusation, more and more cases of his misbehavior were widely reported.

So what is the Indian Fashion community's response to this?

Yes you guessed it. They are crying "Racialism" !!!!

Now how "ghetto" is this. When will we ever be confident enough as a race? Isn't this simply a lame defense mechanism?

You come to America, you enjoy the fast cars, the non-polluted air, the glamour and glitz and all that. You even dream the American dream. You earn a ton. Till that time all is fine. This country is great.
But the moment you have to take some heat of it's Law, your "sensitive" heart is outraged. You suddenly remember India (Which by the way you royally left behind with a condescending look)

This is not to say American Justice System is just. It may have many shortcomings. But which system does not have these shortcomings? Is Indian Justice System above board?

Just because this country allows you to shout "racism", you do that? If you think that the court was unfair, its not end of the road. You have means to contest the findings of the court.

You don't do that by lighting candles and collecting a bunch of losers who's credibility in society is negligible. This a pathologically sick.

Check this statement - "If our country won't take care of us, who will?". This statement by Jon's sister made me throw up.

"Our country"? [Almost like PuLa Deshpande's "Aamchi Yeshti?"] The same country you did not even think of twice when you were in rush to leave it in the first place? The same country who's fashion designers can't stop going gaga over the west?
And who's this Majid Menon by the way? The same guy who is defending Dawood Ibrahim in Indian courts?

These limo-liberals take my goat really. Would they have lit such candles for Taslima Nasreen? I hate this "our fashion community has come together" syndrome.

Let that f**king fashion designer suffer his fate. Serves him right. And all you super sensitive bleeding hearts, just FO.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Right to a Choice

As a kid you go to school. The school is attached to The Board of Education.It comes under the state government which also has links to the central government. So basically your school is tied to the government and it's Education Department. The education board sets the syllabus and all schools are bound to that syllabus.

Without going too far on this, let me come to my point. As a kid i was expected to write an essay on the Father of the Nation- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. Now as a kid i had no choice but to do the following:

1] I was expected to call MK Gandhi as Mahatma and as a Father of the Nation
2] I was expected to write only good things about him
3] I was not expected to deviate from conventional thoughts

If i did all the above my teacher would give me good marks. But if lets say i wouldn't call MK Gandhi a Mahatma but as Mr. Gandhi, i probably would have failed my Essay test. Tied to the government you see!

Now essay is a subjective entity by itself. Meaning it is not Arithmetic. Nor Science really. An essay is actually a great idea to let a person ooze out his or her creative juices. Essay's if bound by rules and boundaries loose their essence.

Nevertheless all students of the class were expected to parrot the same lines given to them by teacher. "Gandhi was a great man... Gandhi used non-violence...Gandhi did so and so..."

Basically every one of 60 or so students would write the exact same (or more or less same) lines and score marks. Marks were probably cut on bad writing or for missing out lines "given" by the teacher before the exam. Not for the "content" of the essay actually

I have heard that American school system works a little different. In a sense, parroting or mugging (as it's called in India) is discouraged and the kid is allowed to "venture out in the creative jungle". If that is the case it's definitely good. Here's why - as a kid my ability to question conventional wisdom was suffocated. Maths and Science is a little different. They are not abstract and relative / subjective (unless in a very advanced mode); on the other hand History deals with personalities and personalities have variations and cannot be boxed into stereotypes and boundaries.

As far as Gandhi is concerned, my real teacher on this subject was my grandmother. At age 9 she told me a few things about Gandhi that none of my school teachers or school books taught. It was an enlightening discussion. She told me about his mistakes, his soft pedaling with fundamentalists of his times etc.

But she did not tell me all this in a negative sense. All she said was - "remember Gandhi had another side too". I thought that was genius. To tell a kid, not to follow conventional wisdom blindly but seek your own judgment as you grow; that is cool. In that sense my Granny became a great teacher for me that particular day.

She taught me a lesson, not for a particular semester;but for Life.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Indian of the Year !!!

Like Bollywood awards an array of awards have mushroomed in India in past few years. The Indian Leader of the Year, The Indian Business Man of the Year, The Indian Sportsman of the Year.... etc
There are one too many of these awards now; so much so that it's hard to keep track.

January apparently is the award season. So now we have leading media houses in India like NDTV, IBN-CNN, Hindustan Times handing away such awards every year in Jan.

NDTV had the gal to name Mr.Manmohan Singh as this year's Indian "Leader" of the Year.

I would let you take a deep breath before moving ahead.

Yes Manmohan Singh and "Leader", two words, that don't really go together.
Shouldn't be a surprise as the same NDTV gave away this "Indian" of the year award to Sonia Gandhi two years back !!!

It's time this closet-Commie news channel "comes out" and make it's agenda public. It's been while since it has been known in a lot many circles now that NDTV is out and out a Congress-Commie News Channel. May be not in the politically correct public space, but you can find thousands of forums on the internet that have glaring evidence of it's total lopsided reporting on political matters.


"Leader of the Year" award to Manmohan Singh is wrong on so many levels that it's hard to cover all of them.

Shouldn't a leader inspire masses and classes both? First of all, shouldn't a leader "LEAD" ? Shouldn't a leader be a statesman who takes even the opposition into confidence before dealing on significant issues like Nuclear Deal? Shouldn't a "Leader" be a crowd puller? A person who can inspire the youth as well as the rural population of the nation to come do something?

This Manmohan Singh guy is not even a leader within his own party, forget about being "India's" leader by the way! And NDTV wants us to believe that Manmohan Singh is "leading" us from the front?

Couldn't NDTV find a single person in India who did not happen to be a puppet Prime Minister? He could have been a social reformer, a person who was working day and night in rural india trying to make a difference, inspiring masses and classes both? There are so many of these unsung leaders in India! NDTV and it's plush AC studio team who lecture all of us on liberalism , did not find a single Indian like this?

It's said that during the award ceremony, such was the lack of acknowledgement of our PM's presence that a journalist from South who was asking question to Rajnikant-the Boss (who won an award in another category) did not even mind sidelining Manmohan Singh on the stage !!! So much for our "Leader".

I don't even know why only politicians should qualify for this award? Aren't there "leaders" in other professions? Why this obessession with politicians in Award season?

NDTV is loosing credibility faster than Musharaf. If it does not hold it self up and take a good hard look in the mirror, it would soon become the official spokes-person of Madam Gandhi. And looking at the trend in India, that is not the best business direction a business house like NDTV would like to make