Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Suggestions 2009

Here's some unsolicited advice from an Average Joe to all the News makers of 2008

Manmohan Singh : (The alleged PM of India) : Dude, do us a favor will you? Please don't speak. Ya, don't speak, like at all.
No more Manmohan speeches please.

Advani ji : If even after such a disastrous run of this current Government, you cannot connect to the nation, you got issues. Please make way for younger folks and take some rest. Your not being at the helm of the party affairs may be a blessing in disguise. Retire, please.

Sachin Tendulkar : OK, we know you love cricket. And we love you. And your century against England was creditable effort at age 36, but I think, you need to go now. You have entertained us long enough. 19 years is a long time. Please retire before your son makes an entry. I want to keep respecting you so don't make it too hard for me.

SRK and Amir : 6,7,8 pack doesn't matter. If you try these stunts, one too many, you make have to "pack" off completely.

Messers Lalu P Yadav, Mayawati, Mulayam, Paswan, Antulay : You guys. Just drop dead, will ya? Thanks

Arjun Singh : Thanks for single handed ly degrading the Indian education system to such an extent in such a short span of time. I am sure China the direct **beneficiary of your policies is smiling ear to ear. Looking at your awesome talent, we Indians would like to sponsor you a free one way ticket to your favorite country , Pakistan. They will love you there and we will love you even more!

Barkha Dutt, Sardesai and Company: Now that you folks have set the "gold" standard for Indian News Channels with your loud, shrill and opinionated television journalism, you as leaders of the pack, need to undertake higher responsibilities. The world needs shrill and loud people like you all the time. So move out of India and go to Middle East or Russia. Take your time there. And if possible don't return at all..

BJP : Guys seriously. Learn at least one thing from your nemesis - The Congress Party. Pray, take some good spokesmen. If possible recruit some professionals, some MBAs and outsource your spokespersons. You guys suck at media management, thanks to lame guys like Jawdekar and Naqvi.

**China's intake of Indian students has quadrupled in less than 2 years thanks to reservations. Soon, more Indian doctors will come out - 'Made in China' than from India.


Rathchakra said...

LOL...Good one on the Lalu/antulay gang...they should be fed to the stray dogs...
The China thing was news to me...WHOA...its scary.
LMAO on the 6,7,8 packs.

kautilya said...

@Rathchakra : Yeah, about the China thingy... I read this in 'Outlook', one of the few magazines I picked at airport while coming back.
BTW, I was looking for India Today's 30 yr special edition. You would think that be available in stores. I could not find it even in Mumbai for crying out loud.